I feel like Humpty Dumpty.

"We're just trying to keep it together here."

I have no idea what to think, other than we're screwed.

Something better happen soon. I really just don't know anymore.

Comptine d'un autre été: L'après-midi is my new favorite song.

I love my new room.

Two more finals.
Then home.

I feel like Humpty Dumpty.

Love today.

Everybody's gonna love today, gonna love today, gonna love today. Everybody's gonna love today gonna love today Anyway you want to, anyway you've got to, Love love me, love love me, love love. I've had 4 Dr. Peppers tonight. Joyous. Friends + youtube videos + Dr. Pepper = good times during visiting hours. Basically, I'm in a great mood. Finals start tomorrow. Despite knowing I'm currently not prepared, I'm really calm. What is going to happen is going to happen, so whatever. I tried. I'm going to study my butt off. But that is all I can do. If I get straight B's, well, that sucks. But I don't think that will happen. I love my ward. They really are amazing. As are my friends here. I really am going to miss them, a lot. I love our ugly sweaters. I love our random dance parties in Science's car and almost getting hit by the Provo drivers who have no idea how to properly maneuver a vehicle. And we are planning a Saturday Picnic in the Park, British Accents only. I'm kinda sorta maybe beyond excited. Wow. Time to study. Enjoy the hilarity of our Christmas card picture. It is so worth a thousand words.

Soundtrack to my life.

During our travels to the wondrous metropolis of SLC, KH and I came up with a project. We are creating soundtracks to the year. Each month gets one song, that's it. So they go in order of Jan. - Dec. and it will be a 12 track album. I personally will go as far as creating album art. We are writing up explanations of why each song goes with each month, and then we are swapping. I am really really excited. And this is the last year I can do this with...the next two I'll be on my mission at the end of the years so none of this. But I'll have fun. I think everyone should do it.
I've been listening to a lot of piano music lately - the Illusionist soundtrack, Amelie, and also the Hours. Once is also a good soundtrack, not instrumental though. Bjork's Volta is amazing although really commercial for her. Hvarf-Heim, Illinoise, and anything Manu Chao are also my current addictions.
Jenah should have won top model. Tyra is an idiot.
I'm ready to leave here, but at the same time I almost don't want to leave. I really am going to miss people here.
I don't know what my current situation is. The water is room temperature as far as I can tell.

I AM, you ARE, so why can't we BE?

What the heck is wrong with the verb "to be" - someone please explain this. Passive voice faux pas are stupid. Everything IS so why can't things BE? I realize it sounds uneducated or unprofessional and distant and such, but is it really that big of a deal? What if I like using passive voice? Does that warrant shunning of my english papers? I honestly don't know. However, I do know that I like being, so I am fine to use passive voice. Classes are almost over. I'm jumping up and down kind of excited. Work is so fun. The people are amazing. I really love them all. I got my Christmas cards. They are hysterical. I love them. I hope everyone does too. Ugly sweaters + cheesy fireplace setting + Dora the Explorer = fantastic. I am terrified of finals. I had a really good Thai salad today. And a yummy pita sandwich. And a milkshake with LJ. Yay for LJ. I love people who make me laugh. I think I am going to go for a walk around the temple sometime this week if it isn't 20 out. I love the view. One of the highlights of living here. Home is a little more than a week away. That is surreal. I need to buy presents for people. Arg. My list of things to do goes on. And on. And on. Philip Glass' music = great for studying. The soundtrack to "Once" is incredible. Manu Chao is my new addiction. Life, although stressful, is great.
Picture from Salt Lake, of the Temple.

I'm reaching my limit again. Soon it will be over.

Monday might be a more appropriate time for a breakdown. Monday as in tomorrow, or technically 12 minutes by my clock. Perhaps Tuesday. I'm unsure. But Wednesday is seeming like a very generous estimate.
I'm moving. I was going to move upstairs, now I'm not. I'm moving in with Carson who lives a few rooms down. I still get the bed by the window so I'm happy. We get along really well, should be great.
I'm rather excited about this whole wedding shindig. It's kinda all I talk about with K and W. W doesn't want to wear a tux. He doesn't realize that while he may be getting married, its K's wedding more than his. And if she wants him in a purple polka dotted tux he will wear one. Thankfully, K has style and won't make him do that. She will make him wear a tux, however. He'll get over it.
I'm tired and screwed and happy and confused and hungry and contemplative and bittersweet and emo and hopeful and regretful. It's slightly overwhelming.
Friday was fun. Hopefully leads to similar Fridays. But better ones. I hope it does at least. But I'm not sure. Thankfully I have a water tester. Friends are so useful.
I need to go to bed and study. And get some food. And have a conversation with someone that should have happened a long time ago but it might be best that it didn't but I'm not sure and it needs to happen and it needs to happen soon otherwise I might burst. Closure is needed. I hope they will be willing to help me on it, I can't see it going too well.
This weekend we went to Salt Lake City. It was fun. Although on the way up Kate and I thought we were going to die and at one point contemplated running out of the bus screaming, heading towards the dorms. It literally took us an hour to move 4 miles up University. We went up there to see the lights. These are the lights I saw.

The Meltdown Countdown Begins

Finals are coming up. This means lots of stress. And studying. And a severe decline in social activity. None of these are appealing or wanted, but I will simply have to go through it. I am predicting a meltdown on Wednesday, probably mid-day. Everyone else does, so why not join the party? Life is a party. It's your own party, and you can cry if you want to. And you are always invited to the party. So party on, people, party on.
I had a wonderful discussion the other night with Scott about how I'm really excited to die. Not right now, but when I've lived a full life. I'm excited to go through the experience. It will be exhilarating to see everything that is after this. YAY! I realize that sounds terribly morbid, but its true - it will be an adventure. Rooming with SW is an adventure. Basically, I was going to move upstairs but now I'm not, but things are good. We are getting along well, which is good. I don't think I'll ever understand him, but I don't think that is important.
This week is crazy. I was just exhausted today. Yoga really took it out of me yesterday. I am really excited about my english paper - my personal narrative thing. It should turn out well. I went for a great run up to the temple. I again contemplated going to Narnia, but decided my shins were not up for it. I think I'll go there on a walk next week, if things go well this week. I really should be doing my homework. But I'm not. I'm talking to C and writing. And honestly it feels so relaxing. The snow is mostly melted. It makes me sad, although it has been very nice lately. Cold, but not too bad. Cold enough to chill your lungs and make you feel alive. The mountains look beautiful covered in snow. I can't wait to hit the slopes. This week has been another alone type week, but again in a great way. Reflecting is good. I get a lot of that done here. I feel very different than when I came out here, but I can't have changed all that much. Suffice it to say that I have learned more here than I ever did in high school. It is already far too late.
I realize nothing entertaining happened that I wrote about, nothing profound. But that is life sometimes. Just roll with it. The pictures are from a humanities project, my representation of different scenes from the Divine Comedy.

Always the hours.

So today was a very interesting day on many accounts. The last few have been eventful as well. So let us start at the beginning.
Work. Work this week was fun. I actually get to answer phones and work the windows now. I get to answer questions, deal with annoying parents, and use a cash register. Answer me this: why on earth are parents calling on behalf of their children? If they are old enough to apply for college, they are old enough to ask their own stupid questions. We even get parents calling in for people who are students at BYU. It never ceases to amaze me how reliant people are on their parents to do stupid things for them. Grow up, people. I've decided that in honor of the holidays, we should be like Buddy the elf and ask the callers what their favorite color is, just for kicks (gracias MC for the idea). Somehow, I don't think my supervisors would think it appropriate.
School. Ew. Next.
Life. Life is good. I signed up for Netflix, which was a great decision. I got the movie Interiors which was directed by Woody Allen, it's from 1978. Essentially, it was a great movie, although, I felt like at times it was trying too hard to be artsy. Everyone at some point said "I don't wanna talk about it" and "Leave me alone!" which got old. But overall, fantastic. Friday was my birthday and I was inundated with facebook wall posts, which was entertaining. Also, my brother proposed to the love of his life and they will be happily married sometime in May. Horray. I think I'm going to buy them a copy of the Karma Sutra. Today was lazy. I woke up at 10. Canceled the photo shoot. Canceled my date. I had lots of homework to do, but alas, it really didn't get done. I went shopping at DI, found a hideous sweater, more to come on that at a later date and time. I also went to Walmart, where I mingled with Utah's finest, and then to dinner at the Bombay House with Science and Veggie. They were very well behaved, I didn't feel like such a third wheel. They both rock.
It snowed today. It is beautiful. I wish I went on a walk tonight. But I watched The Hours and talked to friends. It was a mental health night. The Hours was amazing. Depressing, but beautifully done. The whole thing was mind blowing. I sat and pondered for about 20 minutes after watching it, wondering and marveling at how it all fit together and pondering if I actually enjoyed it. Lesbian moments aside, I loved it. The ending, as morbid as it was, was amazing. "To look life in the face, always, to look life in the face and to know it for what it is. At last to know it, to love it for what it is, and then, to put it away. Leonard, always the years between us, always the years. Always the love. Always the hours." - I love those lines. It basically sums up life. There are some people that you have those years, the love, and the hours with. And it is those people that make life clear and meaningful. The movie itself was almost as incredible as Virginia Woolf's books, but different. Although, I am surprised Nicole Kidman won the Oscar for it. Don't get me wrong, she is incredible. She was brilliant in this one. But Meryl Streep and Julianne Moore were equally incredible. It really is hard to say who did the best. But regardless, see the movie. Actually, it isn't a movie for everyone. But whatever.
It is 1:07 am. I have church tomorrow at 9. I am excited for this Friday. I hope I go on a walk this week. The first picture is of W and K, the second of a project I did a few weeks ago, very Yamamoto. Very me right now.